Don’t you have _____?

My answer was a no. However the time spend in my head warps that answer. The answer also warps depending on who is asking.
Tonight, with them, I went off on a tangent. A tangent I could write a speech about. Once I found out their rank, their worth to me, I was put in my place. I don’t know why this time hit so close to home. It was a whole lot of nothing. Why of all the pity, this one, this night, hit the worst.
I have grovelled and crawled and taken shortcuts to the finish line, but this time, reflecting, I didn’t feel right and I wasn’t even in the race.
…
I am not as _ as I once thought to be. And while no one can know what I know, only I know how much is put in to keeping me there, at that place.